Expect Me (Rivers Edge Book 3) Read online

  I am exhausted. I am achy. I am tired of throwing up. But that’s what has been happening for the last six weeks. Well, along with losing both of my jobs, my apartment, and basically losing my mind.

  I finish packing up my personal items in the final box in the tiny living room. The last of my cash went into renting a storage unit for the next three months. I’m not exactly sure how I’m going to eat - well, if I actually could keep food down, that is.

  After that unforgettable night two months ago with Travis, I lost my job with the catering company when I pretty much walked out to go tend to his cut. I had every intention of finding a new weekend job at another restaurant or bar, but then the nausea started which was quickly followed by a bone deep exhaustion that I’ve never experienced before in my life. For a girl who has worked two jobs most of her adult life, that’s saying something.

  After three days of sickness, Matty finally convinced me to take a home pregnancy test. Matty has been my best friend since high school. Everyone always teases us about our “friendship”. Why people think guys and girls can’t be friends without having sex is beyond me. But the fact that Matty is more interested in the men I see than the women he passes on the street is a pretty good indicator to his sexual orientation. He figured it out in high school that he was more into the football players than the cheerleaders, though he kept it to himself until after college. I figured it out right away, though. It’s part of the best friends ESP.

  Two days after I bought the home pregnancy test that sat in the plastic bag in my purse, Matty finally staged an intervention and forced me to face what deep down I already knew. I peed on that little stick with Matty pacing the hallway outside the door. I didn’t even need to wait the three minutes. A little over a minute later, the little screen flashed the word “pregnant”.

  Seeing that word was like flipping the proverbial switch. I woke up the next morning nauseous and achy. My boobs hurt, I wanted to nap all day long, and I couldn’t smell anything without wanting to throw up.

  That was ultimately when I lost my second job. I need two in order to pay my bills. I don’t have a roommate to help cut the costs so the lack of a job - or the lack of both of my jobs - has left me in a very tight spot. I’m putting all of my personal items in a storage unit and crashing on Matty’s couch for a couple of days until I figure out my next step.

  “Everything is loaded up, Joss. What else goes?” Matty asks as he comes into the bare room and plops down on the floor next to me.

  “This box is the last one to go to your place.” I’m only taking a handful of clothes and personal items to Matty’s since his place is so small, and he has a high maintenance roommate. There really is no room there for a third wheel, but he’s gracious enough to let me crash on his couch for a few days until I figure out my next step.

  I could go home to my parent’s house. I could call up my mom and tell her I failed and wait for her to send me money for a plane or bus ticket. But, I don’t want to do that. I won’t do that. Going home is not an option. I’d rather live on the streets than return to the place I grew up.

  “So, the rest of the furniture goes into the storage unit, right? Those two high school boys from next door will be back in a minute to load up the last of it.”

  “Okay,” I mumble and finish dropping the rest of my pictures in the box.

  “How are you feeling?” he asks, concern evident on his face.

  “Fine.”

  “You give it any more thought about when you’re going to go to Rivers Edge and knock on his door?”

  “No,” I lie. I think about it all the time.

  “Joss, you have to tell him. Even if he wants nothing to do with you or the baby, you have to be the bigger person and let him make that choice.”

  My mind flashes to that morning, two months ago. The morning after the best night of my life. The morning when I woke up at dawn and snuck out of his apartment without so much as a note or an explanation.

  “I’ll tell him, Matty. I just need to figure out what I’m going to say first.”

  Matty stands up and walks until he’s standing right in front of me. “Joss, you’ll probably never figure out how exactly is the right way to tell him. You’re just delaying the inevitable. You need to do it, now, before you never do.” Matty gives me a pointed, big brother look.

  I lean up on my tip toes and peck a light kiss on his smooth cheek. “You’re right. I’ll never do it if I don’t just get in my car and go. Do it.”

  “Don’t do it. That’s what got you in this trouble to begin with,” he says with a sassy grin. I smack his arm as I bend down to pick up the box. The dizziness hits as soon as I start to stand up causing me to double over and drop the box.

  “Sit down on the floor. Do you think you’re going to be sick?”

  “No, just a little dizzy. It’ll pass in a few seconds.” I put my head between my knees and concentrate on slowly breathing in and out.

  After a few minutes, Matty helps me stand. “Come on. The boys are back. They’ll load up the rest of the furniture and take it to the storage unit. We’ll lock it up and then head to my place for supper. Rico was planning on making enchiladas tonight.”

  “Rico is a godsend.” I can’t keep any food down except spicy food. Weird, right? Cover something in hot sauce or nacho cheese and I’m good. Give me a bowl of soup or a deli sandwich and I’m praying to the porcelain god faster than you can say vomit.

  When the last of my stuff is loaded up in the borrowed truck of the high school kid next door, I take in the empty apartment. It’s teeny tiny, maybe five hundred square feet, but it was my home for the past two years.

  I walk towards the open front door, take one last glance over my shoulder, and pull the door securely closed behind me. Time to move on. Time to move forward. Time to put on my big girl panties and be the adult that I am. Time to face the man who changed my life forever just two short months ago.

  *****

  Sunday morning may have brought sunshine, but this old couch brought backache and a stiff neck. I stand like an eighty year old woman with double knee replacements and stretch the best I can, but there is nothing short of a visit to a chiropractor that is going to fix this kink and ache.

  “Good morning, sunshine,” Matty says a little too cheery for my likings.

  “Uhhhh,” I respond. I’d do anything for a large double espresso caramel mocha with extra whip right about now. Preferably with a shot of Jack.

  “Decaf,” Matty says with a smile as he hands me a cup of steaming coffee. It’s not the same, nothing will ever be the same as my coffee drink of choice, but this will do. Well, until it makes its reappearance shortly after breakfast.

  “Sugar and milk?”

  “You know it, sister,” Matty proclaims as he takes a sip of his own cup of coffee. “How’d you sleep?”

  “Horribly. That couch should be condemned and burned,” I grumble as I sit down at their kitchenette.

  “It’s not made for comfort, sweetie. That couch looks good. That’s the important thing,” he says as he brings a box of Fruit Loops over to the table. “Breakfast?”

  “Yes. Hopefully some of the nutrients will absorb into my body before I throw it back up again.”

  “First off, gross. Second, I’m pretty sure there are no nutrients in Fruit Loops, sweetie. You’re better off eating a spoonful of sugar.”

  “Tempting,” I mumble as I pour some fat free milk into my bowl of cereal. Thank God it’s not soy. “So, I’ve been thinking,” I start with a mouth full of fruity, sugary goodness. “I’m going to head over to Rivers Edge and see Travis today.”

  Matty’s spoon heaped with cereal stops halfway to his mouth, his eyebrows shooting to the ceiling. “Really?”

  “Yeah. I need to make a few decisions about where I go from here and he’s a part of that decision, I guess.”

  “Good for you. You know you’ve got our couch for as long as you need it, but for what it’s worth, I think you’re doing th
e right thing. You need to tell him and let him decide what, if any, part he wants to have in the baby’s life.”

  “Yeah. I think a part of me is just a little scared of him slamming the door in my face. Not that I won’t be able to do this by myself, it’s just that I never really wanted to have kids so the thought of doing this and doing it alone is terrifying.”

  “Uncle Matty will always be here to help you. You know that, right?”

  I smile at my best friend and his reference to being Uncle Matty. “Yeah, I know that. You’re the best, you know that?”

  “Of course I know that, sweetie,” he says with a huge smile and a giggle.

  Matty is a pretty tall guy. Not quite as tall as Travis was, but still probably close to six foot. He’s skin and bones, though, with no muscle to him anywhere. His sandy blond hair is in a stylish cut with bangs that sweep down over his eyes and his blue-green eyes are kind and gentle.

  I almost make it to the end of my cereal, but before I can get that last scoop in my mouth, my stomach makes an angry twist. I bolt for the bathroom before I break out in cold sweats. I kneel on the floor in front of the toilet as my stomach brings back up everything I just ate.

  Once the dry heaves have subsided and my breathing is slowly returning to normal, I wash my face off with cold water and gingerly brush my teeth. This is why I always wait to brush my teeth until after my morning purge. There’s no sense in doing it twice in one morning, especially when it’s such a chore to do it the first time. Nothing triggers my gag reflux like being pregnant and brushing my teeth.

  There’s a gentle knock at the door a few moments later. “Joss, are you okay, sweetie?”

  “Yeah, I’m okay now.” I finish brushing my teeth and open the door. “I think I’m done for the morning. I’m going to grab a quick shower.”

  “Okay. Use any of my products in the shower. The kiwi and avocado body scrub is to die for! You should definitely try it! It’s completely natural, and you’ll feel as fresh and as smooth as a baby’s behind when that stuff is done with you.”

  “I’m honestly not sure I want to be as fresh as a baby’s butt, Matty.”

  “You’ll appreciate it after you use it. I promise! Towels are in the cabinet right there,” he says with a point to the corner cabinet. “Do you want me to bring your bag in here?”

  “Sure. That would be a big help.” Matty slips out the door and returns with my overnight bag a few minutes later. “Thank you, Matty. For everything.”

  “No problem, babe,” he says with a knowing smile before slipping back out the bathroom door.

  So, here I stand staring at myself in the bathroom mirror at my best friend’s place. My skin is pale and chalky. My eyes are gray and carry dark circles and bags like small suitcases underneath. I can’t go see Travis like this. After two months of thinking of him, dreaming about him, and wishing things could have been different, I’m now about to face him for the first time in two long months.

  But, first I need to shower.

  *****

  The drive to Rivers Edge only takes about thirty minutes. The early May weather is warming up nicely so I’m able to have the window down for most of the trip. Well, I have the window down because the ol’ Camry doesn’t have air. So by the time I reach the “Welcome to Rivers Edge” sign, I’m sweating a little. Could be from the heat in the car. Could be from the nerves coursing through my tense body at the thought of facing Travis again and having to tell him that he’s going to be a daddy in a short seven months. Take your pick.

  Though it’s been only two months since I was here, so much has changed. The trees along the river banks are returning to their green, lush state. Flowers are blooming everywhere in roadside ditches and flower gardens. American flags are waving and citizens are out in full force enjoying the beautiful May morning.

  My stomach growls angrily so I decide to stop by a gas station and grab something to snack on. Plus, it gives me a few extra minutes to collect my thoughts and cool off a little.

  After grabbing a bottle of water from the cooler, I make a beeline for the candy bars as a sudden Rolos craving tears through my entire body - so I grab three rolls. I snatch a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos before heading up to the counter to pay for my loot.

  I have the first roll of Rolos half consumed before I’m even get out of the parking lot. Oh, sweet caramel and chocolate goodness. I can’t help the moan as I swallow another piece of candy, closing my eyes and savoring the rich chocolate flavor.

  With a quick swallow of cold water, I throw my old car into drive and head towards Travis’ apartment. Is it too much to hope he’s not in? I still haven’t figured out what I’m going to say. Do I just blurt it out as soon as he opens the door or do I wait until we get the small talk out of the way? Hell.

  I’m still debating the proper protocol for telling the man you slept with once that you’re having his baby as I pull into the parking lot of his apartment building. I look around at the vehicles parked, but since I have no clue what he drives, I can’t be sure if he’s here or not.

  I throw my junk food into my purse and step out of the car, steeling my back and lifting my chin. I can do this. As soon as I step inside the glass front door of the apartment building, the cooler air hits me square in the face, calming me down almost instantly. My fingers have a slight tremor as I push the button for the fourth floor inside of the elevator. The doors close and the car starts its gentle trek upward, carrying me towards Travis.

  The car makes its stop on the top floor and the doors open. I consider pushing the down button and just forgoing this entire trip. I don’t need to tell him, do I? I can just raise the baby by myself and be just fine. But then the thought of living on Matty’s couch or moving home with my parents enters my thoughts. No. I need to tell him. It’s the right thing to do.

  I step out of the elevator and turn towards his apartment. I stop when I reach four oh eight. It’s now or never.

  I raise my hand, take a deep breath, and knock on the door.

  Chapter Two

  Travis

  I broke ground on the new house yesterday. The foundation is now dug out and graded, and ready to be poured. I’m actually way ahead of schedule. My original plan was to start this later in the summer, but ever since that night with Josselyn a couple of months back, I find myself restless, edgy. So, I figured I could put all my extra energy into starting the house.

  I just got back from the building site - checking to make sure everything is set to start the foundation next weekend - and am stepping out of the shower when I hear a knock on the door. I’m not expecting anyone since I will be seeing my entire family in about three hours when we gather at my parent’s house for our regular family dinner on Sunday nights.

  I wrap a towel around my waist and step out into the hallway. I’m about to run to my room and at least throw on a t-shirt and shorts when I hear the aggressive knock a second time. By the time I throw on some clothes, the visitor might give up and leave.

  So, I walk into the kitchen and approach the front door. I gaze through the peephole and my heart stops beating. Literally. Standing on the other side of my door is the one woman I can’t stop thinking about, can’t stop dreaming about, and can’t get out of my head. Josselyn.

  I release the deadbolt on the door and slowly pull it open. My eyes instantly seek out those hazel ones that have haunted my thoughts and dreams for two months. Her eyes are round with surprise as if the sight of me standing in front of her shocks and effects her as much as it does me. Then her eyes roam down. She gasps as she takes in my wet, towel clad body. Her eyes return to mine and that’s when I see it - lust.

  We both stand there staring at each other for what feels like forever, but in reality is probably only a few seconds. I can’t believe she’s actually standing before me. She’s wearing her brown hair in a high ponytail on her head, blue jean capris, and a red tank top. She looks every bit as amazing as I remember.

  Josselyn clears her throat, breaking me
out of my thoughts. Thoughts that are consumed by her beauty and strength.

  “I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” she says finally breaking the silence. “I didn’t know your number or I would have called first.”

  “It’s okay. You’re not interrupting. Come on in,” I finally get the words out of my mouth. I step back and hold the door open wide for her to enter. She takes another quick peek at my towel clad bottom half and looks away with a soft pink blush. It’s cuter than shit.

  Closing the front door, I turn my attention back to the woman standing before me. “I’ll just run back real quick and throw on some clothes. Why don’t you go into the living room and make yourself comfortable.” Josselyn shakes her head up and down fast and walks into the living room.

  I head back to my bedroom and shut the door tightly behind me. I lean back against the door and close my eyes. What is she doing here?

  The morning after the best night of my life, I woke up alone. I checked my kitchen for a note but found no trace of Josselyn except for a missing t-shirt that I assume she had to wear home since I destroyed hers. After brunch with my family, I took to the internet to see what I could find on my mystery girl. I knew her name and that she lived in St. Charles, but that’s as far as my knowledge went.

  I found her on Facebook but her page was set to private so all I could see was her profile picture. I thought about sending her a friend request for about two seconds, but I didn’t want to seem like a crazy weirdo who spends the night with a girl and then stalks them until I find out more info. I also thought about calling the catering company and seeing if I could get some contact information from them. It all seemed to leave me feeling like a crazed stalker, so I decided to let the cards fall where they may. If she was meant to be, I’d see her again someday. And now here she is in my living room.

  I grab a t-shirt and a pair of workout shorts from my dresser and throw them on quickly. I don’t want to leave her waiting too much longer for fear that she’ll bolt again before I get some answers to the questions I’ve been asking myself for the past couple of months. Ultimately, why did you leave?