Expect Me (Rivers Edge Book 3) Page 4

  When I step into the living room, Josselyn is sitting on my couch with her head between her knees. She’s breathing deeply like she’s trying to calm her nerves. “Are you alright?” I ask as I approach her.

  She startles and looks up at me. Josselyn’s pale as a ghost and her skin has a light sheen of sweat over it. She opens her mouth to talk, but immediately drops her head back between her knees.

  I’m kneeling in front of her in a second. I start to rub light, soothing circles on her back as she continues to breathe in and out, in and out. Suddenly, she bolts up and runs around me towards my bathroom. She slams the door behind her, but doesn’t lock it. I’m inside a moment later and watch helplessly as Josselyn dumps the contents of her stomach into my toilet.

  I walk over to the cabinet and grab a washrag, running it under the cool tap water. I set it down on the edge of the sink and squat down next to where she’s kneeling. Thank goodness I have a damn strong stomach.

  When it appears that the heaving has subsided, I reach up and grab the cool washrag. I turn her so that we’re sitting on the floor side by side in front of the tub. She’s weak from the upchucking and goes easily into my arms. When I have her tucked against my side, under my arm, I lay the cool washrag on her forehead.

  We sit there for several minutes before she finally talks. “I can’t believe I just threw up in front of you. Could this get any worse?” Her words are still labored, small, and full of embarrassment.

  “Are you feeling okay now? Can you get up?”

  “Yeah, I’m better now. The worst has passed.” She tries to stand up on her own, but I won’t let her. I stand up quickly and help her up, keeping her hands inside of mine. It’s the first time I’ve touched these hands in two damn long months. They’re still as soft as they were that night.

  I lead her back into the living room, sitting her down on the couch, and head into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Once I’m back in the living room, sitting next to her on the couch, I hand her the glass. She takes a couple of timid sips as if to make sure that the water isn’t going to make a return appearance too.

  “Better?” I ask as I gently rub her back again.

  “Yes. Thank you,” she whispers softly without looking up at me.

  “So…” I let the word trail off, not really knowing what to say, what to ask next. Why is she here now?

  When she doesn’t say anything I realize that if I’m going to get answers, I’m going to have to drag them out of her. “Are you sick? Do you have the flu or something?”

  She snickers an incredulous little laugh before turning to face me again. “No, I don’t have the flu, Travis.” Her eyes appear to be greener today with specks of gold, and they never leave mine. She waits a few breathless moments before she drops a live grenade straight into my lap. “I’m pregnant.”

  There’s a distant ringing sound in my ears and the air instantly becomes stuffy and thick making it impossible to breathe. Did she just say pregnant? No, she didn’t. I’m being punked - pranked. Someone is about to jump out of the closet and yell “Gotcha!” But I can tell by the panicked look on her face, in her eyes, that it’s not a joke. Josselyn is pregnant.

  When the words finally come to me, I can’t stop the stupid questions from spewing from my lips. “What? How? When?”

  She gives me a surprised look before responding. “Well, it happened that night after the wedding and I’m pretty sure you can figure out how.” She gives me a pointed look and takes another sip of her water.

  “Yeah, I know how, but we used a condom.”

  “Read the box. They aren’t one hundred percent.”

  How can a condom not be one hundred percent? Isn’t that the sole purpose of a condom – the main reason for existing - to prevent awkward and surprising conversations just like this one?

  I don’t want to say the words that are about to come out of my mouth. I know that as soon as I say them, I can’t take them back, but I have to know. “And you’re sure the baby’s mine?” I then brace myself for the blow.

  “Yes,” she whispers in a small voice. “I’m one hundred percent certain.”

  Sure, now something’s one hundred percent.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not trying to be a dick or upset you, but I just felt like I had to ask.”

  “You were the only one I’d been with. I hadn’t been with anyone for several months before that night, and I haven’t been with anyone since, Travis.”

  Is it weird to say that pride actually swelled in my chest at that moment? I know I’m a bastard but the thought of Josselyn being with me - and me alone - actually makes me happier than a kid with a slice of chocolate cake.

  I look around the apartment, not sure what to say or do. “Oh, my goodness, I didn’t even think. You’re seeing someone, aren’t you?” Josselyn says, exasperated and looking a little green again.

  “What?” I ask. “I’m not seeing anyone. Why do you say that?”

  “That picture,” she says, pointing to the picture sitting on the end table of me and Avery from her birthday last summer.

  “That’s my sister. She was the one who got married that night. I’m not see anyone, I swear.”

  “Okay, not that it matters to me, I just realized that I’m showing up here and dropping this on you after two months. You probably went on with your life and everything,” she says meekly.

  She has no clue that I have not gone on with my life. In fact, my life has been stalled since I woke up that morning alone. Two long months ago. “So, what’s next? When is the baby due?”

  “I…I’m not exactly sure. I looked at the calendar and I’m guessing around the first part of November.”

  “Wait, why don’t you know? What did your doctor say?”

  “I haven’t been to the doctor yet,” she mumbles.

  “Why not? You might not even be pregnant.”

  “Seriously? You just saw me puking my guts up in that bathroom, Travis. I’ve been puking for about six weeks now. My boobs are sore, my body is achy, and I’m exhausted all the time. Besides, I took a home pregnancy test and it came back positive.”

  “Okay, you’re right. I’m sorry. I just can’t seem to say the right things right now.” My mind is fucking mashed potatoes. “So, when do you see your doctor?”

  “I don’t have an appointment yet.”

  “Why?”

  “Well, I’ve been moving and so sick lately. Plus, I don’t really have one.”

  “Why are you moving? Where are you going? Wait, you don’t have a doctor?”

  “Travis, just give me a minute to breathe here. I want to answer all of your questions, but right now, I just feel exhausted and worn out.” Josselyn stands up and sways a little on her feet. My hands are on her upper arms, holding her up, a split second later.

  “Why don’t you lay down on my bed for a bit and take a nap. We can talk in a little while.”

  “I can’t. I should head back to St. Charles.”

  “No,” I exclaim, the urgency to keep her here filling my panicked voice. She can’t drop a bomb like this on me and then just leave. “Why don’t we both go back and lie down,” I start but she gives me a knowing look. “No, just lay down. We can talk for a bit and try to get this figured out. Just talk. I promise.” I hold my breath for a few seconds while she mulls over her options. I just pray she doesn’t choose the unsaid option and leave.

  “Just to talk,” she reminds me.

  “Just to talk. Promise.” I give her a friendly smile and lead her back towards my bedroom.

  After we’re both lying down on my bed - on top of the covers - facing each other, I start to ask the questions that are tumbled around in my brain like a towel in the clothes dryer. “So, let’s start with why you’re moving.”

  Josselyn exhales deeply and closes her eyes. When she opens them again, her hazel eyes appear sad and distant. “Well, I sort of lost my jobs recently and without them, I couldn’t afford my rent,” she says in her small voice.

&nb
sp; “Why did you lose your jobs?”

  She smiles at me, but the smile doesn’t reach her eyes. “That night, I lost the catering job because I voluntarily left the job to tend to your injury.”

  “Wait, what? You lost your job over that? Why didn’t you tell me?”

  “It wasn’t your fault, Travis. I chose to leave with you and come here. I knew exactly what I was doing - what I wanted that night.”

  Knowing that Josselyn knew what was going to happen when we reached my apartment that night and still chose to be with me - over her job, her income - was a heady feeling. “You said jobs. What about the other?”

  “I was a waitress as a café in St. Charles during the day. When I started throwing up all the time, I started calling in sick. They let me go after missing three consecutive days of work.”

  “They can’t do that! It’s illegal!” I exclaim, fury raging through my body.

  “They can do that, Travis, and they did. It’s okay, though. There’s more jobs. That’s the good thing about waitressing. There’s always something else. Bars. Restaurants. Cafés. There’s plenty of openings for waitresses if you just look.”

  “So tell me about your apartment. Why are you moving?”

  “Can’t pay rent without a job. Yesterday was the last day before I was forcefully evicted. Matty and I loaded up all of my stuff and put it in storage.”

  I can’t help the raging, hot jealousy that courses unwanted through my body at the mention of another man’s name. Is she seeing someone? I was so concerned about making sure that she knew I wasn’t dating anyone, I didn’t stop to think that she might be dating. Is this man planning to be the father of my child? Over my dead body!

  “Who’s Matty?” I ask, trying to keep the jealousy out of my voice. By the look on her face, I’m pretty sure I failed.

  “He’s my best friend. I’m staying with him right now on his couch.”

  I watch as Josselyn’s eyelids start to get heavy as the exhaustion finally takes over her body. I reach up and stroke the soft hair sweeping down on her forehead. Her eyes open up at my touch and lock on mine.

  “Sleep. We’ll talk more after you’ve rested.” I continue to stroke her hair, her forehead, her cheek. I’ve been dreaming of this woman and praying that she’ll be back in my bed someday. I just had no idea that when that moment happened, she’d bring a ton of baggage that turns my world completely upside down.

  *****

  I’m pacing around my apartment - one small circle between my kitchen and my living room - while Josselyn sleeps on my bed. I can’t fucking believe this! The reality hasn’t even set in yet, but the words are all I can focus on. I’m going to be a dad.

  I feel like a caged animal with the emotions coursing recklessly through my tight body. Where is she and the baby going to live? Will she let me be a part of his or her life? Do I want to be a part of my child’s life?

  That answer is a resounding yes! If I can’t answer any of the other questions now or even in the near future, that answer I know as true as the color of my eyes. As certain as the name I sign on paper. I want to be that baby’s father. My baby.

  I hear Josselyn’s light footfalls on my hall floor and stop in the living room to look at her. Her hair is rumpled from sleep, her eyes are awake but show signs of wariness, and her mouth is yawning, forming the most perfect little “o”.

  “Hi,” she says with a small, shy smile.

  “Hi. Did you sleep okay?”

  “Yes, thank you.”

  The silence between us is deafening. There are still too many questions that I need answered, but I decide that they can wait for now. The talk that we need to have can wait, as long as she’s here with me.

  “Why don’t you go freshen up in the bathroom? We’re going to be late for dinner.”

  “Dinner? I need to head back home, Travis.”

  “I don’t want you to leave, Josselyn. We still have tons of things to figure out, and I was thinking - hoping, actually - that you’ll stay here with me for a few days while we get everything all sorted out.”

  “You want me to stay here? Like with you?”

  “You can take my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch,” I say, my eyes pleading with her to consider my offer.

  “Travis, I don’t know.” I can see the desire to refuse on the tip of her tongue. It’s written all over her face. But, I also see a need there. A need to lean on me and accept the olive branch I’m offering her.

  “It’ll be for as long as you want. You can stay here and we’ll figure out the next step - steps - together.” Moving towards her until I’m standing right in front of her, I grab ahold of her smaller hands that feel so at home nestled within my own, and look deep into her eyes. I can see them change from golden to deeper brown as I gaze deeply, lost in their depth. “All I know for sure is that I want to be by your side, helping you through this. I want to be there for you and our baby.”

  Her beautiful eyes fill with tears as she exhales a deep breath. “I’ll stay here temporarily. We’ll figure this out. Together,” she says as she squeezes my hands.

  I fight the urge to lean forward and kiss her full lips. At night when I’m all alone, I can still taste her on my lips. But as much as I want to devour her mouth right now, I know that it won’t help any in the long run. We have too many things to discuss and decide on. First, I need to feed her and my baby.

  “Let’s go. We have dinner plans.”

  She raises both of her eyebrows at me as she says, “Where are we going?”

  “To my parent’s house. We have dinner there every Sunday night.” I feel her hands tense within mine.

  “I don’t know about that,” she counters as she tries to pull away.

  “It’s just dinner. You’re going to have to meet them eventually and there’s no better time than at a family dinner on Sunday night,” I say as I tighten my grip on her hands, not letting her pull her hands out of mine.

  “But, what about the baby?”

  “We don’t have to tell them just yet if you don’t want to. Just come. Meet them. We’ll figure it all out afterwards.”

  “I’m not going to be able to hide it much longer,” she says as she looks down at her stomach. She’s wearing a red tank top and for the first time, my eyes zero in on her abdomen. It’s still early enough to be smooth and flat, but I can’t help but release her hands and give in to the desire to touch her. I look up into her eyes as if silently asking permission. When she gives me a small smile, I reach forward and gently lay my hand against her stomach. Electricity courses through my entire body, zapping all of my frayed nerve endings and short circuiting my frazzled brain.

  Josselyn closes her eyes, lost in the sensations of my touch. I’m not even touching bare skin and I feel the connection, the gut-deep impact. I want to rip the material away so there’s no barriers between us and bury myself deep inside of her. I want to feel her, claim her, possess her. Only her.

  Josselyn opens her eyes and I can see the need there. Her desire. It’s right there in her hazel eyes that are now a deep shade of brown. Like smooth, mouthwatering chocolate.

  All too soon, the moment is broken when my cell phone starts ringing. I reluctantly drop my hand from her stomach and grab my phone off the coffee table. Mom.

  “Hello?” I ask, mustering up as much cheer as possible to help alleviate the raging hard on I now spot in my shorts.

  “Travis, are you coming to dinner? Everyone is here.”

  “Yes, mom. I was just getting ready to leave. Be there in fifteen minutes.”

  “Okay, sweetheart. Dinner will be ready shortly.”

  “Alright. See you in a bit, Mom.”

  “Bye.”

  When I hang up the phone, I turn back to Josselyn. “I’d better go get freshened up,” she says as she turns and heads into the bathroom.

  What the hell do I do now?

  Five minutes later, we jump into my work truck to head out to my parent’s house. My grandfather started the company
, Stevens Construction with my father running it now. Someday when he’s ready to retire, I will carry on the tradition. Tradition. Something I’ve never really thought too much about in the past. I will now have a child who will be part of this tradition.

  “So, my parents are pretty awesome. My dad’s name is Michael and my mom is Elizabeth. I have three older brothers that should all be here tonight. Jake is the oldest and he lives here in Rivers Edge with his girlfriend, Erin.”

  “I think I remember her from the night of the wedding. Red hair?”

  “Yeah, that’s her. She’s the librarian here in Rivers Edge. Jake and Maddox are both cops. Then comes Nate and he’s a fireman here in town but works full time in St. Charles. Then, Will who is a paramedic, me, and finally Avery. Avery is the one who got married that night. She has a beautiful little girl, my niece Brooklyn, whose birthday we are celebrating tonight. She turns four tomorrow.”

  “Wow, you have a big family. I feel like if someone were to quiz me right now, I’d fail miserably.”

  I laugh a little before continuing. “Don’t worry about that. Tonight, we’ll take it easy and just introduce you to my family. You can talk and eat and get to know all of us.”

  I pull in the long driveway that leads to my childhood home, feeling the calm wash over me. There is something about this house that brings peace and comfort. My entire childhood was spent in this home - home cooked family dinners, playing the backyard, staying up late on school nights with Will. Tons of memories flood my mind each and every time I pull up this driveway.

  I park behind Jake’s truck, kill the engine, and turn towards Josselyn. “Look, whatever happens tonight, just know that we’re in this together. You won’t have to endure anything alone, do you understand me?”

  Josselyn shakes her head and swallows hard. She appears to be fighting emotions threatening to take over.

  “We’re in this together, Josselyn. You and me. And our baby.” And because I can’t help myself, I lean forward and place a tender kiss on her cheek. I fight to keep the kiss PG and not plant another on her lush lips. But now is definitely not the time. My family is inside waiting for me, and I can tell Josselyn’s on the verge of a mental overload.